The things Serbia mustn't do
by Zora U Prolece
Summary: I, Serbia, mustn't tell you that this will never be complete.
1. Chapter 1

1. I mustn't scream at the top of my lungs "Kosovo is Serbia!" when near Albania, America and Kosovo. _But I already do._

2. I mustn't skip any more country meetings. _Oh, what the heck, I don't care. they don't do anything there anyway._

3.I mustn't start to cry whenever Russia can't remember who I am.

4. I also mustn't kiss him on the cheek when he notices my existence. _Hug, however, is acceptable._

5. I mustn't stalk. _Wait, I do?_

6. I mustn't talk about 'good old times' with Macedonia in front of Bulgaria.

7. I mustn't clam that NATO is 'North American terrorist Organization' and that EU is it's bitch.

8. I mustn't claim that Croatia, Bosnia and Montenegro are part of me by right because they 'became' of me. _Seriously, they do. They all speak my language!_

9. I mustn't expect that Russia will help me.

10. I mustn't claim that Muslims are the children of Antichrist and that they try to take over the world. _But the second one is true..._

11. I mustn't start a drinking competition with other countries except Czech, Slovenia, Ireland and Russia.

12. I mustn't talk about Yugoslavia. _Unless I want to start a war._

13. I mustn't shout "Albanian barbarian!" in front of any EU country, or they'll prevent me from entering EU.

14. I mustn't shout "Kill the gays!" for the same reason.

15. I mustn't encourage Republic of Serbia(Republika Srpska) to become independent. It could start a Balkan war number.... Er... I lost count...

16. I mustn't, if by any chance I am in the Country meeting, to curse Colombo out loud for discovering America or to point out that the 'civilized' Europe was the center of Holocaust.

17. I mustn't, if by any chance I am in the Country meeting, to whine how in 'civilized' and 'rich' countries people die from hunger everyday, while in my 'poor' and 'barbaric' they rarely do. This will probably preventing me from joining the EU.

18. I mustn't abuse Voivodina if she tries to become independent. _Which she won't._

19. I mustn't help Russia when he 'encourages' other countries.

20. I mustn't help Russia in any way.

21. I mustn't follow the rule 20.

22. I mustn't tell Belgium and Netherlands: "I don't give a damn about Ratko Mladic, if you want him so much then go search for him yourselves!" The consequences would be severe at best.

23. I mustn't laugh at the countries that panicked about the swine flu and point out that they claimed that I have an IQ below 90.

24. I mustn't comfort Poland by saying: "I would gladly trade lives of my politicians with yours." It is inhuman to Poland. He might have a heart attack.

25. I mustn't laugh whenever someone mentions how the essence of The New World Order is democracy.

26. I mustn't laugh whenever something goes wrong in the USA.

27. I mustn't laugh at the other countries when they panic about the economic crisis.

28. I mustn't brag about how I don't have the economic crisis thanks to NATO and EU, because they destroyed my economy in the 90ties.

29. I mustn't tell America that if he looks into a mirror, he'll see a villain.

30. I mustn't tell America that he needs new glasses because he confuses civilians with military targets.

31. I mustn't borrow Russia's pipe, even though he allows me to use it freely.

32. I mustn't chant 'kolkolkol' whenever I'm upset or angry. I shouldn't let Russia influence me. _But he does and I don't give a damn._

33. I mustn't laugh when any ex-Yugoslav country gets into trouble. Other will think that I'm as cracked as Russia. _Wait, don't they already do?_

34. I mustn't claim that _sarma_ is my national meal when near Romania.

35. I mustn't listen to .u.'s "Yugoslavia". I wouldn't speak to Russia for days afterward. _Seriosly, the bastard left me high and dry..._

36. I mustn't laugh and eat popcorn whenever I watch my parlament. It's not comedy, but tragedy.

37. I mustn't laugh, scoff or roll my eyes whenever the fight occurs in the parlament.

38. I mustn't create any more episodes of "Nikad Izvini". _This however, does not stop me from owning a CD with the episodes and watch them frequently._


	2. Chapter 2

39. I mustn't point out that of all the ex-Yugoslav countries I'm the only one that is not ethically clean, despite that I was accused of ethnic cleansing in the 90ties.

40. I mustn't drink when depressed, otherwise I'll spend the rest of my life in a bar.

41. I mustn't argue with Albania about his true origin, mine is shady too.

42. I mustn't tell any EU or NATO member that they destroyed the wall in Berlin so they could build it around me.

43. I mustn't complain how I hate America while I hold Cola and hamburger in my hands.

44. I mustn't complain on how Yugoslavia destroyed me. _It's useless._

45. I mustn't tell Russia that I have a huge amount of sunflowers in my yard.

46. I mustn't think more than I usually do, I might find out I'm smart.

47. I mustn't punch anyone who sings the Godfather theme. _They can save it for Albania later._

48. I mustn't punch anyone who tells me I'm like Nokia, getting smaller every year.


End file.
